WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
