and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
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Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
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The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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