You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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