I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
