dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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