he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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