A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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