Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I need a hoe opinion
go on
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
