All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
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She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
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It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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