At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
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