clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
