yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
