It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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