Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
