Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
