After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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