Yo dont text me then not text me
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
We named our party play list daddy issues
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
