I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
