Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
