Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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