That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
My pussy is not your playground.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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