If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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