I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
