if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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