Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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