You're my little dorito
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
