What did we do last night that was yellow?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
