Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
