dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
it glows. i had to have it.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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