I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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