But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
