I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
