Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
