thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
