I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
