I'm so fucking centered right now
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize