that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
