Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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