I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
