Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
