She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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