I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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