Already got asked if we're dating
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
