And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
