I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
