Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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