hotel room ftw
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
