I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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