My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
