I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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