The maid of honor just puked.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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