I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
