This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
