Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize
