i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
