So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
