i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
