I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
