Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
