I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
COCAINE IS GR8
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
