A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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