ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
