guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
