Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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