And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I will die if light touches me.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
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then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
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We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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