I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
