sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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